I’m a pretty easy-going kind of gal. Most things that annoy people I’m unbothered by, un-phased, unaware of even. However, there are a few fads that have popped up in 2013 that I elect we all retire, starting immediately. If you like any of these fads, I’ve misjudged you and it’s over between us if I find out.
1. Vampire/Vulture Nails – How about no! HELL NO!!! Claws and talons belong on birds that kill small rodents for survival. Unless you feed off blood there is no reason to have fingernails that are so sharp you could slice your own head off with, mmmkay?
2. Bieber Baby Diaper Pants – (say that fast 5 times) MC Hammer lost all of his “can’t touch this” cash because he lost it in his Z.Cavaricchi’s. Oh yes he did and hopefully the Biebs, Fist Brown and anyone else that donned baby diaper pants this year will lose their wad of dough, too. If you wore these terrible excuse for fashion suicide leggings/saggy tights, I hope your man parts shriveled up and died.
3. The Cowboys and their fans – Could you guys be any more sad? Just admit that Jerry Jones sucks and is the downfall of civilization already. He’s a horrible person and his teeth are scary and he’s the most hated man in the NFL. Pretty sure he’s due for another facelift soon and even that freak me the fffff out. Tony Romo, may I suggest faking this whole back injury until JJ releases you from your misery and then maybe you have a chance at playing with a real team. Hell, the McKinney High School football team could beat the Cowgirls/Convicts.
4. Hatch Chile Peppers – Who came up with this weird hipster obsession with hatch chile peppers? Of course they had to one up the hatches and now they’re in love with “ghost peppers.” Pretty sure they made up those, too. White people highly anticipate the hatch chile season like it’s the second coming of Christ. Whole Foods has an entire section of the produce department partitioned off to experiment with their weird little chiles. Stop already.
5. Crossover anything – SUVs, artists, cuisine… You name it and you can cross over that shit. How about we crossover crossing over anything. I want a full size SUV damn it. And I want Drake to choose, either he’s a hardcore Jewish rapper or he’s an R&B panty melter. And no, I don’t want a Pakistani Sushi. Aaron Hernandez is a crossover killer. That’s the only crossover I care to discuss.
6. Use of the word “clutch” – That play was clutch. Johnny Manziel is Mr. Clutch. McBrady’s hair is the clutch highlight of the game. The Seahawks fans produce the most clutch atmosphere in the NFL. A clutch is small evening handbag. Or the peddle you push in a standard transmission vehicle. It’s not an adjective. How about you clutch a thesaurus and find new words. Mr. Sportscaster!
Too harsh? Hell no! Retiring these ridiculous trends will improve life as we know it in 2014. Here’s to a simple French mani and sportcasters saying “kick-ass” or “what an awesome display of badassery” a lot in the coming year 🙂
Elaine Harper Real Estate 